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Die Student
Hit a woman and you hit a rock
Tiny Ngobeni
Tiny Ngobeni

Dear Cyril Ramaphosa

I am Tiny Ngobeni, a 20 year old first year student at the University of the Witwatersrand.I am studying towards a degree in Chemical Engineering (BSc). I am from a small town in Krugersdorp known as Rietvallei ext 2&3.

I write this letter as I want to discuss issues of violence against women within marriage and relationships that occurs in my community and South African at large. 

Domestic violence, together with gender based violence has become a norm in our societies in this current.

As it has become clear in the status quo of the country, there are more reported cases of women and children being killed, kidnapped, raped , and sold into prostitution, just to but name a few.

This letter will show why most women remain in abusive relationships and how these relationships affect them and those around them. 

Be aware of your value

Most women are abused by their husbands in their matrimonial homes and they remain stuck in such a union because of various reasons.

Some remain in matrimony because of the fact that the bridal price has already been paid and they cannot go back to their father’s house because of the fear that the money has already been used.

Domestic violence, together with gender based violence has become a norm in our societies in this current.

Also, they’ve been taught about the importance of remaining in their husband’s house no matter what may come.

This shows that the society has some contribution to the things that women encounter every day.

Women who do not condone being ill-treated are deemed as weaklings who failed as women.

READ MORE: Moenie standaarde laat verlaag nie, Cyril

But I have to ask the whole world that what is wrong with knowing your worth as a women and packing your bags back to your birth home when things are not working out? Marriage is not supposed to be a thorn; at least I believe that it is meant to be safe for both parties involved.

The bridal price does not yield ownership, women are not parcels.

Secondly, some women remain in abusive relationships because they think it is the right thing to do since they have children with the perpetrator.

Talle voel vasgevang

They bear the pain of being forced into sex without their consent; they bear being cheated on, being lied to and battered on a day to day basis because they depend on these people.

Inasmuch as they are the sufferers in all this, they still find reasons to protect these people. Some of them even blame themselves for everything that they are put through by the abuser.

Do you have any idea how painful it is to see your mother lying there soaked in blood after your father has badly beaten her?

Others remain stuck in such unions because they have been threatened. Some feel that there is no life outside what they call partnership. Some feel that there is no life outside what they call partnership.

The truth about domestic violence is that it affects more than the victim. The people around the sister, the mother, the girl child who is abused also get affected.

Do you have any idea how painful it is to see your mother lying there soaked in blood after your father has badly beaten her?

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Do you have any clue how hard it is to hear your father insulting your mother in your presence?

Do you know what it is like to live in constant fear for your life and that of your mother?

It is a pain that is indescribable, and it is one that holds the possibility of death.

The children also suffer

Children who witness the father beating the mother on a day to day basis are affected psychologically amongst other effects.

Most of them develop a feeling of repulsion towards the father and if it is women, there’s a greater chance that they may develop hate for men resulting in their future relationships being destroyed.

It is time women report cases of abuse, there are enough correctional facilities for such acts.

The boy child might even drink from the same fountain from which the father is and be an abusive person as well.

Further to this, children may develop depression which is as a result of the pain they face indirectly from what they see at home.

This may result in performing badly at school, the use of substance and drug abuse, and worst of all, it may result in suicidal thoughts and attempts which may be successful.

Now is the time to act

It is time women report cases of abuse, there are enough correctional facilities for such acts.

Do not wait until it is too late for you or your children. I urge each one of us as South Africans work together in protecting the rights of women, and helping those in need of it.

READ MORE: Beste Cyril, ons almal moet begin opoffer...

We cannot tolerate this barbaric and deviant behaviour any longer. It is time that justice is provided when such cases are reported. We can no longer have law breakers who get bail a 

day after their arrest. It is time that the South African correctional department enforces proper punishments for abusers. Let us not wait until another rape, murder or even human trafficking is reported.

It is time we act.

Yours Sincerely

Tiny Ngobeni

  • Tiny Ngobeni (20) is studying towards a degree in Chemical Engineering (BSc) at the University of the Witwatersrand. She comes from a small town in Krugersdorp known as Rietvallei.
  • This article is an entry for The Student's Best Dear Cyril ...
  • To read the Afrikaans version of this letter, click here.
Meer oor:  Die Student  |  Bestecyrildiestudent  |  Studente  |  Mening
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