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Ministerial braais, beds and a spy bus
John Scott.

There really could be a link between all those extravagant braais, beds and the military spy bus with which the government has been treating itself.

First the braais. Three were installed in ministerial residences at a total cost of nearly R500 000, which averages at R166 666,66 per braai. Well, you can’t expect a minister to braai on a couple of bricks and a grid.

Only a state-of-the-art, stainless steel gas barbecue capable of roasting two oxen at a time would do, when you have affairs of state on your mind and 100 VIP’s on your guest list.

Press a button or two and the job’s done without the beastly nuisance of having to bend over a smoky fire, like ordinary folk.

Otherwise each of the ministers would have had to hire portable braai equipment, the total cost of which might have come to over R166 666,66 in 30 years. So R500 000 for three braais turns out to be a massive saving.

Then there’s the new furniture being bought for ministers. One has ordered a bed costing more than R100 000, which at that

price must be reinforced to withstand a great weight.

It makes me believe it’s the same minister who braais oxen morning, noon and night (to ensure he gets the taxpayers’ money’s worth), and has become so large that no normal bed would fit him, especially if his wife gets in with him.

Food is equally important for another minister whose mahogany dining table at his Johannesburg residence cost taxpayers R84 000, ten chairs R157 000, and a dining room rug R100 800.

Maybe he is one of the other braai-mad ministers, because no spindly-legged table costing far less would hold a side of ox.

The R100 800 rug I understand completely. If it’s a really good meal, and the occupiers of the ten R157 000 chairs have had as much to drink as they’ve had ox to eat, there could be much slipping under the table.

Nothing better than an ultra-thick pile R100 800 rug on which to sleep it off.

A minister with a residence in Pretoria is obviously less of a

heavyweight and is happy with a mahogany king-size bed costing only R63 000, though the mattress is another R25 000, strong enough for him or her to bounce around a lot.

It could be a lady minister, the clue being another R50 400 for a dressing table, mirror and chair.

So what have all these household expenses got to do with the defence force’s purchase of a R30 million Chinese spy bus?

So what have all these household expenses got to do with the defence force’s purchase of a R30 million Chinese spy bus?

The bus, according to reports, has the ability to intercept cellphone calls and listen in to what everyone important is saying to one another, which fortunately excludes most of us.

But military intelligence do need to know who is braaiing with what minister, and what they are saying afterwards, especially about the new equipment. Such as: “I thought the topside was very overdone.” And: “Don’t you think his excellency made rather a gat of himself?”

Ministerial beds will also be of interest to those manning the spy bus.

If someone is sharing one with someone else’s wife, or husband as the case may be, such information can be noted and used should the ministers belong to an opposing faction in an upcoming election.

So if you are living it up on a R100 000 bed you yourself didn’t pay for, make sure there’s not a black bus parked nearby with antennae sticking out of the roof.

It could cost you the multimillion rand residence you are presently occupying.

  • johnvscott@mweb.co.za
Meer oor:  John Scott  |  Bus  |  Menings  |  Ministers
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