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Spare a thought for Tiger Gwede’s dilemma

A lot of folk are poking fun at mineral resources and energy minister Gwede Mantashe, but the poor man was facing a vexatious dilemma.

On the one hand, in public WhatsApp messages he was being praised by his girlfriend as a “tiger in bed”.

Grrrr . . . A growling Gwede Mantashe.

What red-blooded male would want to hide such sexual prowess like a light under a bushel (as it were)?

William Blake’s famous lines, slightly misquoted, could apply to him: “Tyger, tyger, burning bright, in the bedclothes of the night.”

A most unlikely potbellied tiger, but who is to contradict the lucky lady in question, 26-year-old would-be actress Lerato Makgatho.

On the other hand he was, and presumably still is, a married man. His wife Nolwandle may not consider him a tiger at all, just a tame pussycat.

He might have preferred her to remain in ignorance of any hanging from the chandeliers that he did outside of the marital bedroom.

That is why he imagined he had paid two Sunday World journalists R70 000 to keep the news of his extramural activities out of their newspaper.

He imagined it so vividly that he actually announced that he had, or intended to.

But then, after it was pointed out by fellow ANC members that it was actually unethical to bribe journalists, he suddenly remembered he hadn’t done so, and issued a statement denying that he had. What could be clearer than that?

Meanwhile it also became known that he and finance minister Tito Mboweni had been in competition, sharing the same lady’s bed.

She, in turn, felt it was in the public interest to compare the performances of her two ministerial paramours.

Mantashe, she claimed, lasted longer, which is not surprising because Mboweni had to dash off and save the South African economy.

He allegedly also preferred to do it under the sheets with the lights switched off, and as in the Cremora ad, could always be found on top.

Economic analysts might well deduce something from this information and predict Mboweni’s next budget move, which is probably why Ms Makgatho felt obliged to release it.

She then broke up with him, perhaps because he was in a cost-cutting mood and only showered a fraction of the largesse on her compared to her lover with feline energy.

But her more generous benefactor is also the one who still has a problem, mainly in convincing his political opponents he had a R70 000 mental aberration that bore no relation to reality.

It’s a bit like the recent occasion when, quite innocently, he tried to get Australian investors interested in a new mineral “hazenile”, that doesn’t actually exist, and if it did wouldn’t be found in the “Congo Caves”, which don’t exist either.

As for trying to explain his tigerish reputation to his wife, he should take heart from his old boss Jacob Zuma, compared to whom both he and Mboweni are rank amateurs.

Meer oor:  Gwede ­Mantashe  |  Rubriek  |  Politek  |  Menings
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