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‘Us girls don’t need anyone’
06 September 2018

Solace.

A word I saw flashing behind my closed eyes for a few days last week, for reasons unknown to me at the time.

The week wore on and the feeling worsened, so much so that I started to look for comfort in inanimate things and would-be situations – without success of course.

As the week went by, I grew used to this feeling and resigned myself to waiting for it to pass.

But I soon learnt the truth behind the saying “no (wo)man is an island”.

It is so easy to convince oneself that you are all right on your own, and that you are managing life quite superbly, going to work, going back home and repeating this routine but, in fact, we need more. More than just chills with friends, an occasional movie, wine tasting or weekend away.

All those activities will not fill that invisible gaping hole you feel growing in the midst of your soul. The fact is, however many “comforters” you think you have, or think you need, none will compare to the kind gestures of another human being.

But as all strong women may find, it is extremely difficult to cede control of this sort of fulfilment to another. I found out the stubborn way, without my knowledge and after the fact, that it is not as difficult or as scary.

We live in an age where girls are taught that they don’t need anyone, and they can stand by themselves and reach their goals on their own. But at the end of the day, who are you going to share the small milestones with, the small setbacks with? Who will you look to for comfort when you don’t find it in food, a glass of wine or at parties?

It is so easy just to go off on a tangent, convinced that you are invincible and strong enough to have your own back, thinking that the support of your friends is enough to get you through to the next point, but in reality I grudgingly admit that you do need someone in your corner, holding the towel and spit bucket for you between rounds.

After an unplanned and hesitant encounter I realised I knew this all along, but because I believe myself to be my own Superwoman, I paid attention only to what mattered most to me – my deeply fulfilling job. But the fulfilment I needed wasn’t the meeting of deadlines or writing of a story that people are pleased with, or getting more than 20 likes on an Instagram picture, because these do not translate to a human-fuelled reciprocal exchange.

So, even though Ne-Yo’s “Miss Independent” has been an anthem of sorts, it’s time to live out a soppy storyline intertwined with the essence and foundation of being a strong-willed woman.

Because I believe I am strong enough to do and be both the man in my own life and have space for someone to provide me with the things I think I don’t need.

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