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Using the down-time to reinvent my self-conception

Have you ever woken up feeling like a blank canvas?

I was driving home the other day trying to sift through my emotions and this image of a blank canvas flashed in my mind. I’m not sure if it’s because the end of the year is drawing ever closer or if it’s because I had no idea what I was feeling. But then I thought maybe this isn’t such a bad thing after all.

I believe reinvention is an integral part of personal growth and I made a promise to myself to use this coming down-time to dust off the canvas that is me and add some colour to where it has faded, and draw in some new patterns to aid me as the next chapter starts.

I also promised myself not to mention the R word, which is resolution – more precisely, new year’s resolutions – as I do believe those things are the killers of all motivation and conviction.

I mean, it is after all your life to do with as you please. Why set those rigid goals for yourself, only to add to the mounting pressure of trying to prove to others you can do something only because you were under the influence when you told them your resolutions. No, that has to change . . . now!

It is your prerogative to use some whimsy to alter the state of your thinking, doing and being. Well, that’s just what I’ll be doing.

I learnt over the years it’s pointless to take everything in life, everything that you are or want to be too seriously – that, too, is a killer of the good vibes you need to sustain yourself.

And the next morning, while still trying to sort through the million tabs open in my mind, I realised it’s not so much that I’m feeling like a blank canvas, but more as if something in me was erased.

But still, that feeling of reinvention filtered through my mind like a ray of light through the gloomy clouds.

The reinvention of the way I love myself, because I can do better. The reinvention of the way I allow others to treat me, because they drain the colour from my world. The reinvention of the dreams I allow myself to dream, because who am I to limit my own success? And, finally, the reinvention of how I react to failure, because the time wasted at the pity party could be used more constructively.

I believe through redirecting the flow of energy towards positivity one makes space for the things you actually need to enter your life seemlessly. There is a saying that goes, “life is what happens when you are busy making other plans”. This always seems to ring in my mind when I focus too hard on all the things that went wrong, instead of being thankful for the things that went right.

In life, we often overlook our blank spots, not realising those spots grow and need attention too, in order for us to experience that sense of fulfilment.

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