Finally the working year has come to an end for me.
And what a whirlwind it was. I’ve never experienced this feeling of being so utterly proud of myself at the and of a cycle. The year started out as many before it, but quickly turned into something I would never have expected.
Never have I had to learn things so fast on the fly, or even grow so much in such a short space of time. But as journeys go, this essentially is what is supposed to happen so we can evolve, and be better than we were yesterday. All those stress-filled days and nights, migraines and shivers of silent fear came to pass and yielded many great results.
And in between all this growing, evolving, acquisition of knowledge and rising above my own and others’ expectations, I can’t help but feel a part of me has been lost. I know people wax lyrical about sacrifice being a big part of the road to success, but at what cost to yourself? Or, did someone leave out the rest of the speech, and not tell me what the side effects of travelling this road would be?
There’s a part of me, or rather multiple parts of me, that I miss and honestly need, and I’ve become so focused on reaching the very top of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs that I’ve lost sight of the very things that make me, me. The parts of me that I actually like. There have been more days than I care to admit that I have felt like an impostor in my own skin, but have placated myself with thoughts of all the intended and unintended goals I’ve reached and continue to reach.
I understand these feelings are all my own, but what bothers me is that I felt it was okay to discard the best parts of me. What made me think that it is acceptable to ignore certain feelings and emotions in order to focus on this all-consuming drive I have within me? When do I get back to that point where everything within me and in my life is perfectly balanced? Does one ever actually reach that sweet spot where there’s enough space in one’s head for all the integral parts of you?
I suppose it all just boils down to proper introspection, and reminding yourself that it is okay to be human, to feel the things we feel, and to allow oneself that vulnerability is not a weakness.
So this down time I will try and re-instil these qualities in my way of thinking and gently remind myself that as a human being I was never intended to just be the things that will make me successful. That being me goes beyond the journey to the top.
We are all more than we make ourselves believe to be.
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